The Grief Shelf

This morning when K left for work I left too.  I've been trying to get out more and get used to the millions of babies that seem to be everywhere now.  I went to Target and saw a mother with an infant.  I cried and I didn't care.  I feel better letting it out than trying to go about my day like it didn't happen.  Like I shouldn't be doing the same thing, like I shouldn't be carrying my daughter in a wrap and feeding her and kissing her.  I just looked away and cried.

Afterwards I headed to Barnes and Noble.  I don't buy books anymore since I'm a librarian and have access to free books, but obviously I don't want to be at work right now.  I wandered around and looked for books about baby loss and grief and I found one shelf.  One damn shelf.  It was the bottom shelf at that.

I guess the book business doesn't want to burden shoppers with us sad bastards and our grief.

I bought one of those books.  Healing After Loss:  Daily Mediations for Working Through Grief.  I opened to today's date and found this quote by Elie Wiesel:

Whoever survives a test, whatever it may be, must tell the story. That is his duty. 

So here is my story today.  I am sad, I am angry, I want my daughter.